Wow. Long time, no write. I see that my last post was when I found out that I was preggers with Charles. Oops! Let a little time pass by, huh? It seems that it’s always the super big blessings and super big trials that drive me to pound out my story on the keyboard. So now let me begin pounding away in response to the questions, prayers, judgments, etc. that have been sent our way concerning me leaving our home to work.
First, I must set a backdrop. Most of my family and friends are Christians, but some of you aren’t (still praying for you, wink wink :O) ), so I’d like to give you a quick rundown. First and always, we are to be obedient to God and what He has put forth in His holy word, the Bible. Second, I am to respect and honor the wishes of my spouse, as he is the head of our household. If we have a “problem”, we pray, we read God’s word, get advice from Christian counselors (first two are more important), and then repeat until God answers us. Sometimes it happens quickly, sometimes it takes a long time. God will answer though, because He is faithful.
Now, as a Christian, there are things that I used to assume, even though there really isn’t any scripture to support the fact. The one big issue I’m referring to is staying at home with my children. I KNOW that’s best, so surely that is what God wants for every mother. I had to work when Brodie was a baby, from his 4th month to his 11th. When we found out that we had orders to Germany, I considered staying at home, which is what I wanted, though I thought it would be too hard. Yup. I thought raising one child would be harder than teaching 20 kids. I was right. I digress…anyway, we ran the numbers, and came to the conclusion that there was NO way I could stay at home if we also wanted to travel while in Europe, which we did (um, no brainer?). Long story short, no available jobs. So I started a sub packet, since all teachers know that subbing is the way to get your name out there and into the hearts of the principals. In the midst of that, I felt the Lord clearly telling me to STOP. Stop the paperwork, stop the school visits, stop. stop. stop. Stay home with your child. So I obeyed. When I told Chris about this, he, a less seasoned Christian than I (and yes, he knows I’m writing this, and no, I don’t think I’m THAT seasoned, just moreso than my hubster), said, “So how are you going to know when God wants you to go back to work?” I responded with “He may not. He just told me to stop.” Chris knows the ins and outs of how to get hired as a teacher, so he says “But if you’re not in the schools, they will never even know about you, and would never choose you.” I countered with “Well, I don’t think I could go back into a classroom anyway. It just took too much time away from my family. And, I’m in the system since I before worked with DoDDS, so if God really wants me, then they will find me.” That’s how we left it, and slowly (months and months), Chris accepted God’s decision. The BEST part about this time is that this is when I discovered PWOC, Cadence House, and all the wonderful Christian women who have surrounded me with love. I’ve grown more in the past two years as a Christian than the rest of my life combined.
It was also during this time that my mind somehow grasped on to the mothers should raise their own children concept. Which I still think is true, because as Chaplain Costin says, “It’s this simple. Who will do a better job raising your children? You, or someone else?” Another no-brainer.
Here we are two years later, one more little rambunctious boy added to the mix. We’re not rich, but we’re not poor. I would say our debt is average…school loan (kind of big…thanks FSU for at least giving me in-state tuition prices), car loan. I’m happy. We’re happy. In fact, we’re much happier than the years when I was bringing in the big bucks. So, let me just answer this question right here. Do I need to work? NO! Do I want to work? NO. For $10,000? NO! How about $100,000? NO! I want to be with my boys.
Then. The. Bomb. Dropped.
or landed in my email inbox. “Possible Position Opening.” An email from the principal of a middle school asking if I’m interested in a full time position. No details.
Chris was in the kitchen. When he left the livingroom, I was happy. When he returned, I was in tears (women and their hormones, geeeeez!). In “sobspeak” I told Chris “it’s going to be hard when I tell this principal ’no’, but I just can’t do it.” So, Chris starts with the whoas and wait-a-minutes. You said that God would have them find you if they wanted you. Yes, well that was before. Now I KNOW I’m supposed to stay home. Right?
Fast forward through some prayers, scripture reading, Christians’ advice and opinions, etc. Chris and I are going back and forth. He knows he’s “lost” because he knows there is nothing in the bible that says “you should leave your kids and work.” Needless to say, this is his first time really going through scripture to search for an answer. How would he know that there isn’t a chapter on “what to do when you have young children.” We told him that it doesn’t work like that, but that the scripture would stand out and make sense to HIM, even if it doesn’t for anyone else. And the chapter probably won’t be on the exact predicament in which you find yourself. But. You will find God when you seek Him with all your heart. The funny thing is, in my mind, I was agreeing. I thought “he he he, he WON”T find anything saying I should work.” I just knew that this would blow over and that I would be with my kids.
I started praying and reading myself. Sometimes we read and prayed together, but a lot apart. I have had this real desire to see my husband seek the Lord apart from me. To step into his role at the head of our family with a strong Christian foundation. So, I’m reading and I’m praying, repeat, repeat. Then a verse came to me. It was something about going out and praising the Lord. I don’t really remember it, because I didn’t like it, so I flipped away from it. It wouldn’t leave my brain, so the next day I tried to find it but I couldn’t. What God did give to me was Romans 15. The parts that jumped out were that God would be praised among the Gentiles (hold on, I’ll cut/paste)…”Therefore I will praise you among the Gentiles;
I will sing hymns to your name.” and later in the chapter: ”Those who were not told about him will see,
and those who have not heard will understand.”
Wow. Not exactly what I wanted. And the sobbing began. The “why God?” and “surely you must be mistaken?” and then the prayers for clarification and confirmation. Not even an hour later the phone rings. It’s the principal. For those of you unfamiliar with the education world. The principal doesn’t usually email. or call. (and thank you Sheila for reminding me to keep my pride in check; indeed I’m sure it would have taken over had you not spoken the truth in love!) So here’s the principal. Now I didn’t go through with that part of the story so let me fill you in. I responded to the initial email saying that I was praying about it and that I would let him know the status of my interest as soon as possible. I also told him that I was anxious to be around middle schoolers and that I have never taught them. Finally, I told him that I had been a stay and home mom (SAHM) for two years and was hesitant to give up that role. I also asked him for more information. SOOOO, basically I tried everything I could to be honest and really to scare him, while also honoring my husband by at least finding out more information. He wrote back immediately that it was for the Library Information Specialist position. He also appreciated my candor (doh! didn’t work the way I wanted it!), and hoped that I would get back to him soon. I didn’t respond that day. The next day he sent another email that the position was officially open and that my name was forwarded to him. I still didn’t respond to him. It was after this email that I found Romans 15. I had prayed for confirmation, and then an hour later is when the principal called. I almost burst into tears, poor guy! I told him that I just didn’t think I could leave my kids, and that honestly, I was leaning towards staying at home, pending God’s direction and my husband’s (at least the guy definitely knows I’m a Christian!). He was very empathetic and asked how old they were. When I responded he said “Whoa.” I said, “Yes, they are my babies, and I’m having a hard time even thinking about leaving them.” He suggested I at least come down to the school and look around. He promised the library was bright and airy, not a dungeon. I reminded him that I had never been an IS, and that I had forgotten half of what I learned in grad. school. He said “Well, you gotta jump in somewhere, right?” It was clear now that his persistence was not going to let up, and he was very kind, so I told him I would at least do that. He even arranged to have the incumbent librarian come up there and talk to me.
I’m writing a book. I know. Sorry. This may be so silly to some folks. But this is my life. And my boys are only third to my God and my husband. No job holds a candle anywhere near them. During the time I spoke with the IS, she mentioned some of the things the kids were reading, and I saw where my “light” would be helpful. I’ve received many confirmations that I should return to work, but I still keep holding out for God in His infinite wisdom to change His mind.
On to the best part. In talking to one of my “spiritual mothers” she brought up the fact that this could be a matter of obedience to God and my husband. Is the husband wife relationship that important? YES! Enough to even possibly have something like this happen? Apparently! I’ve prayed so long for Chris to take the initiative to pray and seek the Lord without my prodding him. I have told him over and over that I will respect his wishes if they line up with the Lord’s will, but that he HAS to seek out the Lord. He said I just FEEL that ____. I told him not to trust his feelings, b/c they could come from himself, the Lord, or the enemy. Get in the WORD! And be open to what God wants, even if he wants me to be at home with the boys! Seek Him with all your heart and you. will. find. Him. Soooo, this morning he comes into me saying “I think I found something!” He showed me THREE different places where he felt like God was speaking to him! Praise the Lord! I told him that I was “weepy” proud of him, that I’ve prayed for this for sooooo long! He left, and later returned with his bible and a big smile on his face, “I found another one! And if this one doesn’t shout out the answer, nothing does!” BTW, the header of the chapter of that last one was, “the year for canceling debt”. The first ones that stood out to him was Moses’ first encounter with God, when God wanted to use him and Moses made excuses (I HAVE to be a home with my children…hey a darn good excuse, if I say so myself). Another was giving an offering every seven years (we’ve been married seven years), and something about giving two offerings at a certain time (which stood out to Chris as me offering up to God our two boys to receive care elsewhere). Another point that occurred to us at different points is that it is possible that BRODIE could also be the one, in addition to me, to “go out and praise God among the Gentiles.” He is known to sing Jesus songs, speak scripture, or at least “the rules”…”HEY! God says to share!…Treat others how…! Don’t cry! Ask Jesus to help you!” Don’t think for a second that God won’t use a child that young.
It occurred to me. Which is better, that I stay home with my children for another year or two (against God’s wishes, mind you) and make myself happy, or have my husband FINALLY turn to the Lord with all HIS heart, buck up, and become the husband and father that God (and I) want him to be? I think it would be far worse to miss that second element from the boys’ lives. THIS has been what it has taken for Chris to change, but I praise the Lord that He was faithful to answer that prayer for me. And now a peace has settled in my heart.
So, nothing has been signed, and God can still speak differently, but as of now, it looks like it’s His will that I return to work.
Now, I know there are those of you out there who thought like I used to, that I should be at home. I pray for you not to judge my family, and to know that we faithfully sought out the Lord on this matter. It is not for you or me to understand the ways of the Lord; just to obey Him. There are some of you to whom I even dread talking, I just know I won’t feel the love and support I was given before. If you feel that way, it’s okay. Choosing God’s way doesn’t always make or keep friends.
Now, our prayer is that we can find someone to keep the boys in our home. If initially we have to use the CDC, it’s okay b/c I can keep breastfeeding Charles during the middle of the day, since it’s only around the corner. Once Chris goes back to 24 shifts, he will be the caregiver for 2-3 days of the week, so we would only need someone for the days he works (alternating MWF, TTH). Please join us in praying for this. And praise Him that my husband has been stretched so much through his ordeal, and that his bible will continue to stay open as he seeks the Lord on behalf of himself and our family for the rest of his days.
Thanks for hanging in and reading this far!
Much love and blessings,
Betty
0 Responses to “God is bigger, part II”